Archive for the 'the insolent child' Category

Suddenly It Is Winter

I wrote the title to this post a few days ago, in the middle of our 3 day deluge. I then wrote a slightly maudlin first paragraph and sensed that I should let it sit.

I was right. It was a bit much.

We were getting a  taste of the darker months to come. It is the way the seasons go. Sneaking up a few days at a time, sending lookouts a few weeks ahead of the rest of the regiment. The air wasn’t cold but something in the breeze did not belong to summer and it took little handfuls of leaves from the trees around my porch. I am sad to see this summer go but I know when we reach the crisp brilliant days of Autumn I will be glad. It is my favorite after all.

Speaking of which, I didn’t manage to turn in to a food storage queen. I had hoped to have a freezer full of…something. I don’t. I do have some vegetable stock, some in cubes and a couple larger amounts. I have a bag of veggie bits on the way to being more stock. I have a few tomatoes and some basil. I suspect this will not equal a winter’s worth of food. Oh well, most of my goals start with grand illusions and fizzle into modest success. I do have some bread flour from Georgia that the KP brought me. I also have the flour and corn meal that Elsie picked up for me from the local mill. I still have some weeks left and if I could manage to make my brain work on Saturday mornings I might still be able to plan ahead a bit. Either that or I will get rickets, or scurvy or some other ancient disease.

Tomorrow, I will be doing laundry and such around the house, I will. Even better though, I will be having ice cream with the KP and the IC and I hope like hell the gelato place will be open. I haven’t enjoyed a single gelato all Summer, how is that possible?

In the evening I will be going to Jedidiah’s with our friends J and T for a Virginia wine tasting. We are attempting to start a little tradition. The first wine dinner was at my place. We tasted a Condrieu and three different Burgundy’s I had that needed to be consumed. This is Jedidiah’s turn. We will be descending on him and drinking four different Virginia wines and bringing food. I think the next will be at J and T’s and we are aiming for the Loire.

Today I headed up North a bit with my Fella and the band to watch them play at a wine festival. I and M and the little ones, including my fella’s number one fan, came out too. We had a great time. The kids spent a lot of time on various bouncy things and the adults enjoyed some local White Riesling. All of this topped off by the fella’s music and his number one fan’s total delight. I also manged to get a Fucking sunburn. How? I am the whitest most sun hating person in world besides Fatbiscuit and I get a burn. It was overcast almost the entire time. I spent 20 minutes in the sun chatting to a friend and I get a burn.

Surprise delight of the week: My fella returned from the recycling centre with a book for me, a book on ettiquette copyright 1921. I couldn’t be happier!





I have three “new” dresses coming my way. They are “new” because they were all free from swaps or hand me downs but I never wore them because they were all too big or not quite right. Ha! no more. I have the totally genius Elsie fixing them for me. Taking them in and adding darts and changing necklines and sleeve lengths etc. All things I am totally incapable of doing. Before you get excited thinking you will head right over with a pile of things for her to fix, I had to get through the old SB security and ply her with wine. I may have pretended to faint. I am not above that sort of thing. I also should have some locally grown flour coming my way. From these guys. This, also from Elsie. Good woman to know. Also, I have a call out to the local nuns to find out how and when I can get some of their locally made Gouda. This is extra exciting to me since we have quite a few sheep’s milk and goat’s milk cheeses available, many at a billion dollars a pound, but not many versatile, sorta cheap options. Of course, last night I was so lazy I ate cheese and bread for dinner instead of making something out of the deliscious things rotting in the fridge. Ya win some, ya lose some.

I went to the market this morning to pick up my CSA veggies. Had a nice little chat, grabbed the goods and got hell out. That place is a zoo by 9:30. The haul was pretty good. Kale, cukes, squash, scallions, lettuce, beets, radish etc. I think my landlord is finally going to fix my aged oven so it will light without me having to stick my head in it. This could open up a whole new world!

Critter news: Stank and I took part in one of my favorite activities last evening (get yer mind outta the gutter). Skunk watching! I have a little buddy or two that come around in the evenings to check out the trash and recycling. I have seen an albino before but this was the regular stripey kind, though it didn’t look very old. Pretty darn cute till he figured he was being stared at and headed on down the road. I also have a cheeky squirrel who is trying to move into my porch. The other day I surprised him by coming home and he had to take a flying leap. Also, I had some kind of bee coming in to my bathroom to die. En Masse. I don’t consider it a good omen but it seems to have tapered off so…. but best of all! Starrhillgirl has two new kittens! We took a nice drive through the country last week to look in on Stanks kitty and headed out to Tex’s to fawn over the kittens. In a shocking turn of events (not really) she adopted them both on the spot and they rode home in a box on my lap. So fuzzy.

Whew. The Kingpin and IC spent the last week in New Mexico visiting family. I just got a call from the IC letting me know they are on their way home. They are on a shuttle bus.



Uncomfortable Moments with The Kingpin

At approximately the same time as LB was hosting a cross-burning in my front yard, the IC and I were eating at a local noodle shop. We were immediately joined by another solo mom and her two young girls. There was a lot of staring and observing betwixt the IC and the other girls and soon the little ones were talking about each other in front of each other, you know the way they do. Our dinner-mates asked their mom, “Where’s Daddy?” She said, “At work.” They said, “Where’s that little girl’s daddy?” I gulped… Uh oh here we go. Then the mom says, “He’s probably at another work, but not your daddy’s work place.” So the curious girls turn to the IC and say, “Where’s your daddy?”

The IC says completely matter-of-factly, “My daddy’s dead. He took too much pills.”

Bagonk. That’s the sound of the jukebox dramatically stopping.

There’s just no way to describe the pall that fell over the sesame noodles and dumplings. I mean, what do you say? Do I jump in and explain that he wasn’t a drug addict, that he was very sick and frail and a slight and accidental increase in his dosage of painkillers caused his body to shut down? No, of course not. I sat there staring at my oily styrofoam container until the mom said to her daughter, “Now’s when you say, ‘I’m sorry,” which I appreciated. That poor woman! I bet she’s wishing she’d never sat down next to us.

Poop the poop—it’s poopie!

Somehow the IC who had the wherewithal to ask me to describe honor and metaphor thinks that inserting “poop” and “pee” every third word is the wittiest, most incisive way to respond to every question. Sample conversation:

-What did you do in school today, honey?
-My poop work. [Can you tell she’s a Montessori kid?]
-What else?
-I pooped.
-Okay, but who was at school today with you?
-Poopie pee pee and poop the pooper.

Crap. How do I make it stop. Shit.

Should I Be Doing Something Else?…….

LB here.

It has been a while and I am very sorry. Luckily the Kingpin has manged to fill that time with dry cleaning and uncomfortable run ins with the neighbors! I have a lot of work to do for an upcoming Demonstration and performance US GIRLS are getting together. This of course means I am here writing a post! Not to worry I am also delurking elsewhere as I try for a tri-chat with the Kingpin and Starrhillgirl and crack jokes with one of my comrades (via e-mail) over pictures of her fighting me while dressed like a squid. I am practically CEO material!

I am doing all of this to the sweet refrain of IC singing, acting like she isn’t up to anything every time I walk by, and demanding that someone fetch her some water because she is tooooooo tired. Quickly she realized she had trapped herself in a box with that one and resorted to the standard issue nooooooooah! All is quiet….for now.

I have had a fairly fabulous time since last we spoke. The holly days were fabulous. I love xmas. I love buying pressies. so. there. My least favorite thing about the holly days is listening to everyone complain about them. I had a wonderfully festive xmas #1 with Stank Williams and his family, a loud, lovely time. I had an awesome time with my tiny mummy, my sis, BIL, and the bean (plus Stank). I had a rocking New Years with Stank and his music, followed by our private xmas #3. I like to keep the holly days rolling. I got several pairs of socks!!! I win. What else is there?

Now IC is out of bed, again!

Bless her heart, she has found the strength to get a cup of water. She is so brave.

Um, a lot of water?……..

P.S. I refuse to use the bathroom in a buisness that requires me to first ask for a key which is attached to some hideously large object. Rude! Rude!

Cough on, Cough Off, the Cougher!

Can you tell that LB’s missing? I’ve become Lady Blogsalot. I guess when she’s around I’m too busy gabbing and blabbing out loud, all verbal like. So this morning I had a brilliant idea to hook up the Christmas tree lights to the Clapper™ so I wouldn’t cut myself on the tree or have to reach around it and knock more ornaments down. After getting it rigged and plugged in, I clapped the requisite two times to activate the lights. No dice. I was only one foot away from the device,  so I assumed the thing was broken.

Cut to a half-hour later. The IC and I are eating our breakfast and she coughs hard twice. Bam! The tree lights up. We fell off our stools with laughter and she almost busted her lungs trying to turn the lights on and off for about another half hour.  Now the Clapper™ is coming on seemingly randomly. The dog sighs, it comes on. I drop an anvil on the floor (you know I got them), nothing. Go figure. Oh, Clapper, you big tease!

Krusty Kristmas Kostume

The IC has worn the same red velvet, pearl festooned, peter-pan-collared frock for 10 days. Will Kristmas ever end? Is this dress even Kleanable anymore?

The Kingpin is Not a Fearless Badass. Not at all.

Last night I’m at home upstairs working on Secret Christmas Present Activities for LB who is with her family celebrating Picture Perfect Welsh Christmas in the wilds of the neighboring rural county Flu—.

I’ve just gotten the IC (which now stands for Insane Clown, as she’s no longer an insolent child most of the time) in bed and am enjoying the peace and quiet of my house when I hear a frantic pounding on my front door followed by furious doorbell ringing. My adrenaline starts rushing and I’m in the midst of fight or flight limbo. That sort of aggressive doorbell ringing communicates emergency/disaster/invasion and my lioness protective nature kicks in. So as to prevent a door breakdown, I run downstairs to the door and looked through the peephole and see my large male neighbor from across the street. something about his demeanor, the frenetic pounding, keeps me from opening the door to him. Also, earlier this year I overheard his sister reaming him in the middle of the night outside their house about a crystal meth habit. That’s probably affecting my fear level, I’m guessing. Without opening the door, I say loudly, Who is it? He says, it’s C—-. I need to talk to you. I say, Can you tell me what about? He says, please can you open the door. I say, No, I’m sorry I’m in the middle of something. He says, Okay. And I think he leaves. I run upstairs, not knowing what to do, but scared. Then I hear more pounding and doorbell ringing. I grab the phone and duck into the IC’s bedroom and lock her door. I call my biggest, butchest, most nearby, closest friend (other than LB who is out of town) and she comes over immediately. The IC at this point is completely confused. She thinks she’s supposed to be in bed asleep. And here I am turning off her fan, calling my friend in front of her and locking her bedroom door. I read her a story as calmly as I possibly can, worried that I’m exposing my Extremely Butch and Strong friend to a potential drug-addled crazy person. I read quickly and no doubt distractedly. Finally, I decide to grab the IC and head downstairs to wait for my friend. A couple of minutes later she arrives and I feel saved. The IC is confused but absolutely tickled to randomly have one of her favorite people show up after bedtime and read her a story.

After the IC goes down for bedtime #2, I pour myself a glass of wine, my superbad butch friend has Maker’s Mark, and we talk for hours. It’s wonderful–not only does she bring my stress level down, but we have a long meaningful philosophical conversation about various things, among them: what the hell took Jodie Foster so long to come out and how should one handle Disney films (mostly fairy tales) when one has a daughter and one is a feminist. We are in agreement that overprotectiveness is not a good solution. She leaves around midnight, then I watch all the documentary info on the making of Mary Poppins to take my mind off worrying and then eventually go to bed at 2 a.m. in all my clothes with my contact lenses on and 2 phones by my bed, paralyzed by fear until I’m paralyzed by sleep.

I’m not as courageous as a person named Kingpin should be. Or, rather, I think I should be tougher emotionally than I am. Less girly, “please save me someone”! I was so immediately filled with adrenaline and panic, so sure was I that an invasion was imminent. The good news is that I was prepared to do anything to protect my child, though, and it was somewhat reassuring to know that I still had a little bit of a practical mind in the face of much fear.

I miss LB and feel even more grateful that she lives with me.

KP is linktastic

Patient citizens and tourists of Crazytown, we regret the severe drought of blog activity from the Kingpin. See, what happened was…the Insolent Child and I were flattened a little by a persistent cold, which left me capable of doing little more than eating and staring after she went to bed each night. We did have a notably delightful and quaint Halloween with Toya and Olivia and family in Lovingston, with the IS wearing a homemade Little Red Riding Hood getup while I sported an Ostrich Jockey inflatable situation for the 2nd year in a row. Trust me, it’s a situation, not a costume. People seem to love it or ast least to not be able to look away from it. In a stroke of pure inspiration, Wistar was a piglet-suckling-a-tiger. Little does she know that the heart-warming story isn’t true. Dodo wore nothing but a camera. That’s not really true either.

That one paragraph has tired me out utterly. All the linking and whatnot. Boy I’m not really a kingpin these days. Very little moving and almost no shaking. Good night.



So, as you may have noticed the KP isn’t doing any “blogging”. I am having to pick up her slack and post again so that you will have something to stare at while you wiggle the saliva in your mouth around with the tip of your tongue.

You’re welcome.

I have used almost every category we have so I can wander aimlessly as I “write”. It is the last day of my work week and a good time to reflect because I try hard not to work on this day.

First, can someone explain something to me? I am wondering what is the appeal of, during a transaction of money for product, arranging the precise amount of money and coins you give the cashier so that you receive an nice round number back? Some people go to extreme lengths to make it so they receive no coins back from me at the register. Even if it means giving me a huge excess of money for what they are buying. Now, I’m not gonna judge (yes I am) I just want to know, is it worth it? Anyone out engage in this behavior? Do you feel fulfilled?


I managed to get out of work early on Saturday so that I could go to the Vintage Apple Festival. Our good friend Stank Williams was gonna be playing music with his band and there was Virginia country fun to be had. It was driving me crazy that I was not going to get to go since my Sister was going with my nephew, my mother, Stank’s family, the KP with IC, our friend Starrhillgirl. and many other friends. A last minute miracle (over staffing) occurred and I was good to go! So I crammed in a tiny fuel efficient vehicle with my family, Tay at the helm, and we headed south of town.

I was so glad I could make it. The day was beautiful. All my friend’s funny little kids are beautiful. Starrhillgirl looked beautiful in her modified T-shirt. The music was great. It was good clean Virginia fun. I really like where I live. I’m with Starrhillgirl on how pretty and fabulous it is around here. Even though we are lousy with republicans. My family took a hay ride. They reported it was a little scary and a lot of fun. The old folks sang along to Stank’s music, while wearing their John Deere hats. There were animals to pet and kiddy games to play and things to buy. Pickles, cider, apples, honey, plants, baskets etc.

We are all still sick in this house. Currently the KP and I are on two different computers. One up, one down. We are “IM-ing” one another so as not to have to get up. The Insolent child went off to the the safari park with Wistar and Darren. It is a weird place that doesn’t seem like it should be legal. I’ll let Wistar tell you all about that. I am fixin to have some coffee with the family before they hit the road back to NOVA. I might wash my bathmat. That is Sunday for ya.

March 2023