Archive for the 'etiquette' Category

Stalked By Squirrels

Everyday while I am away.

A squirrel comes to play.

Seriously, it hangs out on the porch while I am gone. It knocks over pots and yesterday it brought a friend. As I climb the stairs it senses that it has been busted and starts having a little panic attack and eventually flings itself off the porch and hopes for the best.

For the last 20 minutes it has been hanging out just one step below the porch, giving me the hairy eye ball and hoping I will leave. What the hell is it looking for?

How rude.




Suddenly It Is Winter

I wrote the title to this post a few days ago, in the middle of our 3 day deluge. I then wrote a slightly maudlin first paragraph and sensed that I should let it sit.

I was right. It was a bit much.

We were getting a  taste of the darker months to come. It is the way the seasons go. Sneaking up a few days at a time, sending lookouts a few weeks ahead of the rest of the regiment. The air wasn’t cold but something in the breeze did not belong to summer and it took little handfuls of leaves from the trees around my porch. I am sad to see this summer go but I know when we reach the crisp brilliant days of Autumn I will be glad. It is my favorite after all.

Speaking of which, I didn’t manage to turn in to a food storage queen. I had hoped to have a freezer full of…something. I don’t. I do have some vegetable stock, some in cubes and a couple larger amounts. I have a bag of veggie bits on the way to being more stock. I have a few tomatoes and some basil. I suspect this will not equal a winter’s worth of food. Oh well, most of my goals start with grand illusions and fizzle into modest success. I do have some bread flour from Georgia that the KP brought me. I also have the flour and corn meal that Elsie picked up for me from the local mill. I still have some weeks left and if I could manage to make my brain work on Saturday mornings I might still be able to plan ahead a bit. Either that or I will get rickets, or scurvy or some other ancient disease.

Tomorrow, I will be doing laundry and such around the house, I will. Even better though, I will be having ice cream with the KP and the IC and I hope like hell the gelato place will be open. I haven’t enjoyed a single gelato all Summer, how is that possible?

In the evening I will be going to Jedidiah’s with our friends J and T for a Virginia wine tasting. We are attempting to start a little tradition. The first wine dinner was at my place. We tasted a Condrieu and three different Burgundy’s I had that needed to be consumed. This is Jedidiah’s turn. We will be descending on him and drinking four different Virginia wines and bringing food. I think the next will be at J and T’s and we are aiming for the Loire.

Today I headed up North a bit with my Fella and the band to watch them play at a wine festival. I and M and the little ones, including my fella’s number one fan, came out too. We had a great time. The kids spent a lot of time on various bouncy things and the adults enjoyed some local White Riesling. All of this topped off by the fella’s music and his number one fan’s total delight. I also manged to get a Fucking sunburn. How? I am the whitest most sun hating person in world besides Fatbiscuit and I get a burn. It was overcast almost the entire time. I spent 20 minutes in the sun chatting to a friend and I get a burn.

Surprise delight of the week: My fella returned from the recycling centre with a book for me, a book on ettiquette copyright 1921. I couldn’t be happier!



Uncomfortable Moments with the Little Babushka.

Is it impolite?

Stank and I had a little project that needed doing.

My colleagues and I will be performing our play this weekend and some of our set needed to be updated from site specific parts made for the carnival, to a version that is able to go, go, go!

There are two structures at the back of the “stage” that hold the costumes we need to put on and take off during the play. There is a tall pole and then a cross bar so that the clothes will hang as though they are being worn by a scrawny ghostly figure. Anyhooters, these were made of white pipe and needed to be spray painted black.

Huh, funny how much they just look like crosses when they are standing here in the driveway alone.

Huh, what kind of person would be standing in the driveway….

Painting crosses……

With a man in a cowboy hat and boots…..

I asked Stank if he thought they would dry o.k. if we put them in the garage.

Poop the poop—it’s poopie!

Somehow the IC who had the wherewithal to ask me to describe honor and metaphor thinks that inserting “poop” and “pee” every third word is the wittiest, most incisive way to respond to every question. Sample conversation:

-What did you do in school today, honey?
-My poop work. [Can you tell she’s a Montessori kid?]
-What else?
-I pooped.
-Okay, but who was at school today with you?
-Poopie pee pee and poop the pooper.

Crap. How do I make it stop. Shit.

Should I Be Doing Something Else?…….

LB here.

It has been a while and I am very sorry. Luckily the Kingpin has manged to fill that time with dry cleaning and uncomfortable run ins with the neighbors! I have a lot of work to do for an upcoming Demonstration and performance US GIRLS are getting together. This of course means I am here writing a post! Not to worry I am also delurking elsewhere as I try for a tri-chat with the Kingpin and Starrhillgirl and crack jokes with one of my comrades (via e-mail) over pictures of her fighting me while dressed like a squid. I am practically CEO material!

I am doing all of this to the sweet refrain of IC singing, acting like she isn’t up to anything every time I walk by, and demanding that someone fetch her some water because she is tooooooo tired. Quickly she realized she had trapped herself in a box with that one and resorted to the standard issue nooooooooah! All is quiet….for now.

I have had a fairly fabulous time since last we spoke. The holly days were fabulous. I love xmas. I love buying pressies. so. there. My least favorite thing about the holly days is listening to everyone complain about them. I had a wonderfully festive xmas #1 with Stank Williams and his family, a loud, lovely time. I had an awesome time with my tiny mummy, my sis, BIL, and the bean (plus Stank). I had a rocking New Years with Stank and his music, followed by our private xmas #3. I like to keep the holly days rolling. I got several pairs of socks!!! I win. What else is there?

Now IC is out of bed, again!

Bless her heart, she has found the strength to get a cup of water. She is so brave.

Um, a lot of water?……..

P.S. I refuse to use the bathroom in a buisness that requires me to first ask for a key which is attached to some hideously large object. Rude! Rude!

Krusty Kristmas Kostume

The IC has worn the same red velvet, pearl festooned, peter-pan-collared frock for 10 days. Will Kristmas ever end? Is this dress even Kleanable anymore?

The Kingpin is Not a Fearless Badass. Not at all.

Last night I’m at home upstairs working on Secret Christmas Present Activities for LB who is with her family celebrating Picture Perfect Welsh Christmas in the wilds of the neighboring rural county Flu—.

I’ve just gotten the IC (which now stands for Insane Clown, as she’s no longer an insolent child most of the time) in bed and am enjoying the peace and quiet of my house when I hear a frantic pounding on my front door followed by furious doorbell ringing. My adrenaline starts rushing and I’m in the midst of fight or flight limbo. That sort of aggressive doorbell ringing communicates emergency/disaster/invasion and my lioness protective nature kicks in. So as to prevent a door breakdown, I run downstairs to the door and looked through the peephole and see my large male neighbor from across the street. something about his demeanor, the frenetic pounding, keeps me from opening the door to him. Also, earlier this year I overheard his sister reaming him in the middle of the night outside their house about a crystal meth habit. That’s probably affecting my fear level, I’m guessing. Without opening the door, I say loudly, Who is it? He says, it’s C—-. I need to talk to you. I say, Can you tell me what about? He says, please can you open the door. I say, No, I’m sorry I’m in the middle of something. He says, Okay. And I think he leaves. I run upstairs, not knowing what to do, but scared. Then I hear more pounding and doorbell ringing. I grab the phone and duck into the IC’s bedroom and lock her door. I call my biggest, butchest, most nearby, closest friend (other than LB who is out of town) and she comes over immediately. The IC at this point is completely confused. She thinks she’s supposed to be in bed asleep. And here I am turning off her fan, calling my friend in front of her and locking her bedroom door. I read her a story as calmly as I possibly can, worried that I’m exposing my Extremely Butch and Strong friend to a potential drug-addled crazy person. I read quickly and no doubt distractedly. Finally, I decide to grab the IC and head downstairs to wait for my friend. A couple of minutes later she arrives and I feel saved. The IC is confused but absolutely tickled to randomly have one of her favorite people show up after bedtime and read her a story.

After the IC goes down for bedtime #2, I pour myself a glass of wine, my superbad butch friend has Maker’s Mark, and we talk for hours. It’s wonderful–not only does she bring my stress level down, but we have a long meaningful philosophical conversation about various things, among them: what the hell took Jodie Foster so long to come out and how should one handle Disney films (mostly fairy tales) when one has a daughter and one is a feminist. We are in agreement that overprotectiveness is not a good solution. She leaves around midnight, then I watch all the documentary info on the making of Mary Poppins to take my mind off worrying and then eventually go to bed at 2 a.m. in all my clothes with my contact lenses on and 2 phones by my bed, paralyzed by fear until I’m paralyzed by sleep.

I’m not as courageous as a person named Kingpin should be. Or, rather, I think I should be tougher emotionally than I am. Less girly, “please save me someone”! I was so immediately filled with adrenaline and panic, so sure was I that an invasion was imminent. The good news is that I was prepared to do anything to protect my child, though, and it was somewhat reassuring to know that I still had a little bit of a practical mind in the face of much fear.

I miss LB and feel even more grateful that she lives with me.

What Would You Spend Your Money on?

I’m interested. I think it is really interesting what people spend their money on. Some people are extreme they will buy anything in sight and others will buy nothing. Most of us fall somewhere in between. Their are certain types of things I find it very easy to spend money on. Coffee, wine, food. I find it hard to part with my cash when it comes to anything else. I like to buy local more than not but I’m not militant. There are certain stores I choose not to go into unless I’m REALLY desperate. Kmart, Wal*Mart, Starbucks.

So, What will you buy and who will you buy it from. What makes you feel guilty?



So, as you may have noticed the KP isn’t doing any “blogging”. I am having to pick up her slack and post again so that you will have something to stare at while you wiggle the saliva in your mouth around with the tip of your tongue.

You’re welcome.

I have used almost every category we have so I can wander aimlessly as I “write”. It is the last day of my work week and a good time to reflect because I try hard not to work on this day.

First, can someone explain something to me? I am wondering what is the appeal of, during a transaction of money for product, arranging the precise amount of money and coins you give the cashier so that you receive an nice round number back? Some people go to extreme lengths to make it so they receive no coins back from me at the register. Even if it means giving me a huge excess of money for what they are buying. Now, I’m not gonna judge (yes I am) I just want to know, is it worth it? Anyone out engage in this behavior? Do you feel fulfilled?


I managed to get out of work early on Saturday so that I could go to the Vintage Apple Festival. Our good friend Stank Williams was gonna be playing music with his band and there was Virginia country fun to be had. It was driving me crazy that I was not going to get to go since my Sister was going with my nephew, my mother, Stank’s family, the KP with IC, our friend Starrhillgirl. and many other friends. A last minute miracle (over staffing) occurred and I was good to go! So I crammed in a tiny fuel efficient vehicle with my family, Tay at the helm, and we headed south of town.

I was so glad I could make it. The day was beautiful. All my friend’s funny little kids are beautiful. Starrhillgirl looked beautiful in her modified T-shirt. The music was great. It was good clean Virginia fun. I really like where I live. I’m with Starrhillgirl on how pretty and fabulous it is around here. Even though we are lousy with republicans. My family took a hay ride. They reported it was a little scary and a lot of fun. The old folks sang along to Stank’s music, while wearing their John Deere hats. There were animals to pet and kiddy games to play and things to buy. Pickles, cider, apples, honey, plants, baskets etc.

We are all still sick in this house. Currently the KP and I are on two different computers. One up, one down. We are “IM-ing” one another so as not to have to get up. The Insolent child went off to the the safari park with Wistar and Darren. It is a weird place that doesn’t seem like it should be legal. I’ll let Wistar tell you all about that. I am fixin to have some coffee with the family before they hit the road back to NOVA. I might wash my bathmat. That is Sunday for ya.

Internal Tourette’s

Things I thought but Didn’t say out loud today at work:

Oh God, not you.

You drink too much, I can tell by your nose.

I was hoping you would GET OUT OF MY WAY!

March 2023