How to be “Jedidiah” (Name changed to protect me, not the innocent)

I have a friend named “Jedidiah”. We work together at a terribly posh wine shop. Today, “Jedidiah” expressed mild concern that perhaps not enough people were blogging about him. Because he is my friend, and because our friendship never involves name calling, violence, or soul withering insults, I am here to put things right. I want to increase his presence in the blogoshere. So I have prepared a brief tutorial on how to be more like my wonderful friend.

#1 Learn the definitions of cravat and ascot, and the appropriate occasion to wear each.

#2 Be more than a little embarrassed about your inherent liberalism and try to cover it up with an extremely conservative appearance and a fondness for rich people.

#3 If you do not already own a pair of driving mocs (WTF?!) run, do not walk, to get a pair.

#4 Be a writer. Be a good writer, but one without the good sense to listen to all my ideas and immediately turn them into articles for The New Yorker. I think this has something to do with not wanting to ride my coat tails but, whatever.

#5 Do not under ANY circumstances express anything that even sounds like spirituality. Ever. Never.

#6 Tell people around you how neurotic and crazy they are but follow these declarations closely with your own swirling, black and despairing moods.

#7 You should be able to enjoy a good cookie.

#8 Cultivate the ability to notice when the women around are having a good hair day and/or have on a cute jacket or pair of shoes.

#9 Have a jacket fetish.

#10 Be intelligent and well read but find it difficult to decide what to have for dinner.

I hope this helps you all on your path to being “Jedidiah”!




3 Responses to “How to be “Jedidiah” (Name changed to protect me, not the innocent)”

  1. 1 Wistar February 20, 2008 at 8:39 pm

    I think we all enjoy a good Cookie.

  2. 2 starrhillgirl February 21, 2008 at 12:02 am

    According to numbers 1, 5 and 7, this is me. But I am not called Jedidiah. Could he be one of my secret twins?!

  3. 3 fatbiscuit February 21, 2008 at 12:54 pm

    funny you would give him such a spiritual-sounding name. driving mocs? i believe i owned a pair of those once and never wore them. they went for a cool 3 bucks at last year’s yard sale.

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