Things People Do, I Do Not like Them.

LB, here. Everyday I go off to work,( everyday meaning four days a week) I go off to work so that I can put coffee in the KP’s cup and wine in the goblets, and pay my way like a good LB. I work in a retail enviornment. This is easier to handle than waiting tables. I had lost my patience with that and had become a menace. I have moved myself to the more easy going retail track where I barely manage to remain calm. It is a place where I am forced to share information with the general public. Mostly though, I talk to the other workers. To celebrate my job and the coffee and wine it affords me, I have put together a little list.

Things people do, I do not like them :

Standing on the other side of the counter while I ring up their purchase holding their credit card in anticipation. “I haven’t even rung up all your booze ya friggin lush, gimme a friggin minute will ya? The way you hold that card at me feels like abuse!”

Putting all their measly change on the counter instead of in my hand, so I have to pluck at it desperately with my fingernail-less hands,trying not to take so long the next person gets angry.

Walking up to me and blurting out a noun and nothing else. No other words. It is the most cold, bare-bones way of asking for help. In fact it isn’t asking at all, and I think they prefer not to think of it as help, either. Like this:

Jerk: Burgundy!

ME: I’m sorry?

Jerk: Burgundy!

Me: Burgundy?

Jerk: Burgundy!

Me: Oh! Are you looking for the Burgundy’s? (sickly sweet smile is crucial)

Jerk: Yes, can you tell me where the Burgundy’s are? (looking confused and ….guilty?!)

Trying to help me pack their purchase or, putting their hands on my part of the counter work space. I AM A HIGHLY TRAINED PROFESSIONAL!!! Please, just let me do my job.

Asking for my help, explaining that they know nothing, then disagreeing with everything I say.

That is enough for now…………

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2 Responses to “Things People Do, I Do Not like Them.”


  1. 1 ceri October 18, 2007 at 12:24 am

    i always put my change directly into the paw of the cashier. sometimes i make a conscious effort to graze the skin of their hand with my own so that they know i’m a nice person, a person who loves every fellow human, even if they are a loser behind a cash register. i know they appreciate that.

  2. 2 corey jo October 23, 2007 at 10:12 pm

    I always try to pick my nose right before i deposit all my change in the salesperson’s hand. Or check my CM. Whichever more needs doing.


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