Things People Do, I Do Not like Them.

LB, here. Everyday I go off to work,( everyday meaning four days a week) I go off to work so that I can put coffee in the KP’s cup and wine in the goblets, and pay my way like a good LB. I work in a retail enviornment. This is easier to handle than waiting tables. I had lost my patience with that and had become a menace. I have moved myself to the more easy going retail track where I barely manage to remain calm. It is a place where I am forced to share information with the general public. Mostly though, I talk to the other workers. To celebrate my job and the coffee and wine it affords me, I have put together a little list.

Things people do, I do not like them :

Standing on the other side of the counter while I ring up their purchase holding their credit card in anticipation. “I haven’t even rung up all your booze ya friggin lush, gimme a friggin minute will ya? The way you hold that card at me feels like abuse!”

Putting all their measly change on the counter instead of in my hand, so I have to pluck at it desperately with my fingernail-less hands,trying not to take so long the next person gets angry.

Walking up to me and blurting out a noun and nothing else. No other words. It is the most cold, bare-bones way of asking for help. In fact it isn’t asking at all, and I think they prefer not to think of it as help, either. Like this:

Jerk: Burgundy!

ME: I’m sorry?

Jerk: Burgundy!

Me: Burgundy?

Jerk: Burgundy!

Me: Oh! Are you looking for the Burgundy’s? (sickly sweet smile is crucial)

Jerk: Yes, can you tell me where the Burgundy’s are? (looking confused and ….guilty?!)

Trying to help me pack their purchase or, putting their hands on my part of the counter work space. I AM A HIGHLY TRAINED PROFESSIONAL!!! Please, just let me do my job.

Asking for my help, explaining that they know nothing, then disagreeing with everything I say.

That is enough for now…………

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Alert: Stank Williams III can tuck himself in … his own self

If this doesn’t make any sense to you, don’t worry. It doesn’t make sense to us either. When we offered to tuck him in for his birthday, our own Jack Tripper (AKA Stank Williams III), said he can tuck himself in, “with a string.” We’re all like HUH?? We’re used to a moment each day when we’re shocked and uncomfortable with something he says, but today we’re also confused. When we “probed” further (sorry), he explained that he tucks in his lil Stank by wrapping a string round it and tucking it. And we’re all like HUH? Where does the string get attached? Where does it end up? And Stank says, “I think I’ve told you enough. It’s your blog.” Well. Not exactly the best way to talk to ladies, eh?

If we stare they will come

We just created our blog and LB is staring at the machine and tapping her fingers waiting for the traffic to start flooding Crazytown. She’s so naive. I love that.

Secondablog

I am just happy there is a spell check.

Inaugablog

It didn’t take long for me and the LB to figure out that the people wanted more from us, more physically, emotionally, and more digitally. So here people is your much anticipated blog where we catalog our exploits (and our innerploits) and make your eyes bleed from the ridiculousness and improbability. No, you’ll never touch us. Feel free to wipe your dirty little paws all over our blog, though.