Uncomfortable Moments with the Little Babushka.

Is it impolite?

Stank and I had a little project that needed doing.

My colleagues and I will be performing our play this weekend and some of our set needed to be updated from site specific parts made for the carnival, to a version that is able to go, go, go!

There are two structures at the back of the “stage” that hold the costumes we need to put on and take off during the play. There is a tall pole and then a cross bar so that the clothes will hang as though they are being worn by a scrawny ghostly figure. Anyhooters, these were made of white pipe and needed to be spray painted black.

Huh, funny how much they just look like crosses when they are standing here in the driveway alone.

Huh, what kind of person would be standing in the driveway….

Painting crosses……

With a man in a cowboy hat and boots…..

I asked Stank if he thought they would dry o.k. if we put them in the garage.

Can You Tell When… Someone Is On Crystal……?

This is the search that led some wayward soul to our blog yesterday. Yikes!

We are not on crystal, though we are on snow day. Spent the morning and afternoon enjoying the beautiful views on Stank’s farm, keeping the wood stove going and staring at his cat. Heard from Fatbiscuit and the Bean and “Nana”. They are all together at Fatbiscuit central attempting the highly technical task of building a tiny log cabin. I believe they are actually using glue! No way out if they misplace a log. I said log! The kingpin is downstairs making baked goods with the IC and her little friend from down the way. The IC actually chose not to go out in the snow just to avoid wearing pants appropriate for the weather. They did not strike her fancy, fancy. This is probably for the best since the big kids don’t have anything water proof to wear and the snow is heading in the direction of slush.

The messy part of the baking must be over. The have abandoned the KP for something more fun.

Wishing I could head over to Starrhillgirl’s wood stove for a stiff health giving drink.

P.S. The girls have changed in to something “dressy” in order to handle the important task of licking the spoon. This involves at least one naked bum. FYI.

Should I Be Doing Something Else?…….

LB here.

It has been a while and I am very sorry. Luckily the Kingpin has manged to fill that time with dry cleaning and uncomfortable run ins with the neighbors! I have a lot of work to do for an upcoming Demonstration and performance US GIRLS are getting together. This of course means I am here writing a post! Not to worry I am also delurking elsewhere as I try for a tri-chat with the Kingpin and Starrhillgirl and crack jokes with one of my comrades (via e-mail) over pictures of her fighting me while dressed like a squid. I am practically CEO material!

I am doing all of this to the sweet refrain of IC singing, acting like she isn’t up to anything every time I walk by, and demanding that someone fetch her some water because she is tooooooo tired. Quickly she realized she had trapped herself in a box with that one and resorted to the standard issue nooooooooah! All is quiet….for now.

I have had a fairly fabulous time since last we spoke. The holly days were fabulous. I love xmas. I love buying pressies. so. there. My least favorite thing about the holly days is listening to everyone complain about them. I had a wonderfully festive xmas #1 with Stank Williams and his family, a loud, lovely time. I had an awesome time with my tiny mummy, my sis, BIL, and the bean (plus Stank). I had a rocking New Years with Stank and his music, followed by our private xmas #3. I like to keep the holly days rolling. I got several pairs of socks!!! I win. What else is there?

Now IC is out of bed, again!

Bless her heart, she has found the strength to get a cup of water. She is so brave.

Um, a lot of water?……..

P.S. I refuse to use the bathroom in a buisness that requires me to first ask for a key which is attached to some hideously large object. Rude! Rude!

Cough on, Cough Off, the Cougher!

Can you tell that LB’s missing? I’ve become Lady Blogsalot. I guess when she’s around I’m too busy gabbing and blabbing out loud, all verbal like. So this morning I had a brilliant idea to hook up the Christmas tree lights to the Clapper™ so I wouldn’t cut myself on the tree or have to reach around it and knock more ornaments down. After getting it rigged and plugged in, I clapped the requisite two times to activate the lights. No dice. I was only one foot away from the device,  so I assumed the thing was broken.

Cut to a half-hour later. The IC and I are eating our breakfast and she coughs hard twice. Bam! The tree lights up. We fell off our stools with laughter and she almost busted her lungs trying to turn the lights on and off for about another half hour.  Now the Clapper™ is coming on seemingly randomly. The dog sighs, it comes on. I drop an anvil on the floor (you know I got them), nothing. Go figure. Oh, Clapper, you big tease!

Krusty Kristmas Kostume

The IC has worn the same red velvet, pearl festooned, peter-pan-collared frock for 10 days. Will Kristmas ever end? Is this dress even Kleanable anymore?

The Kingpin is Not a Fearless Badass. Not at all.

Last night I’m at home upstairs working on Secret Christmas Present Activities for LB who is with her family celebrating Picture Perfect Welsh Christmas in the wilds of the neighboring rural county Flu—.

I’ve just gotten the IC (which now stands for Insane Clown, as she’s no longer an insolent child most of the time) in bed and am enjoying the peace and quiet of my house when I hear a frantic pounding on my front door followed by furious doorbell ringing. My adrenaline starts rushing and I’m in the midst of fight or flight limbo. That sort of aggressive doorbell ringing communicates emergency/disaster/invasion and my lioness protective nature kicks in. So as to prevent a door breakdown, I run downstairs to the door and looked through the peephole and see my large male neighbor from across the street. something about his demeanor, the frenetic pounding, keeps me from opening the door to him. Also, earlier this year I overheard his sister reaming him in the middle of the night outside their house about a crystal meth habit. That’s probably affecting my fear level, I’m guessing. Without opening the door, I say loudly, Who is it? He says, it’s C—-. I need to talk to you. I say, Can you tell me what about? He says, please can you open the door. I say, No, I’m sorry I’m in the middle of something. He says, Okay. And I think he leaves. I run upstairs, not knowing what to do, but scared. Then I hear more pounding and doorbell ringing. I grab the phone and duck into the IC’s bedroom and lock her door. I call my biggest, butchest, most nearby, closest friend (other than LB who is out of town) and she comes over immediately. The IC at this point is completely confused. She thinks she’s supposed to be in bed asleep. And here I am turning off her fan, calling my friend in front of her and locking her bedroom door. I read her a story as calmly as I possibly can, worried that I’m exposing my Extremely Butch and Strong friend to a potential drug-addled crazy person. I read quickly and no doubt distractedly. Finally, I decide to grab the IC and head downstairs to wait for my friend. A couple of minutes later she arrives and I feel saved. The IC is confused but absolutely tickled to randomly have one of her favorite people show up after bedtime and read her a story.

After the IC goes down for bedtime #2, I pour myself a glass of wine, my superbad butch friend has Maker’s Mark, and we talk for hours. It’s wonderful–not only does she bring my stress level down, but we have a long meaningful philosophical conversation about various things, among them: what the hell took Jodie Foster so long to come out and how should one handle Disney films (mostly fairy tales) when one has a daughter and one is a feminist. We are in agreement that overprotectiveness is not a good solution. She leaves around midnight, then I watch all the documentary info on the making of Mary Poppins to take my mind off worrying and then eventually go to bed at 2 a.m. in all my clothes with my contact lenses on and 2 phones by my bed, paralyzed by fear until I’m paralyzed by sleep.

I’m not as courageous as a person named Kingpin should be. Or, rather, I think I should be tougher emotionally than I am. Less girly, “please save me someone”! I was so immediately filled with adrenaline and panic, so sure was I that an invasion was imminent. The good news is that I was prepared to do anything to protect my child, though, and it was somewhat reassuring to know that I still had a little bit of a practical mind in the face of much fear.

I miss LB and feel even more grateful that she lives with me.

i’m a bad, bad bloggrrrll

You know the best part of having hot pink hair? Sometimes, like today, I’ll be driving slowly through a parking lot, say, at the grocery store and a stranger will see me and he/she (usually a she, though) will burst out laughing. I love that. Somehow I don’t feel laughed at–I feel like I cheered someone up or woke them from their humdrum errand mind. I might just be blowing smoke up my own arse though and maybe they’re laughing AT me. Hard.
I’ve been feeling, as is my wont, a lot of angst and embarrassment and guilt for not posting much on the blog. Here’s the deal: KP [i'm best in the 3rd person] is great at starting things and has a whole lot of trouble seeing them through without other people. What I’m saying is, LB, please start nagging me!!!! All the time!!!! Ask me, “KP, you sexy stallion, have you blogged today?” Like, when I’m brushing my teeth or taking out my contact lenses or kissing my collection of Dukes of Hazzard action figures before I go to bed. It needs to be part of a routine. I admire my friends doing the NoBlowMe thing. Okay, one friend.

Also, here are a host of other excuses/reasons why KP hasn’t been holding her own on this here blog project:

1. Starting and continuing too many other projects (this is the job of the KP, after all): Miss Representation, Dido tour and workshop, PEP, the FreeDome [news on this coming soon], the IS (who is becoming less and less Insolent–we might need a new moniker that bespeaks her goofiness and spazziness), and let us not forget CLAW (charlottesville lady arm wrestlers)
2. After I get the IS all tucked in (which entails toileting, pajamery, teeth-brushing, mirror “work,”sink spitting, story reading, backrubbing, song-singing, cassette tape loading, excuse shooting-down, kissing, hugging, etc.) my ass is T-I-R-E-D. Ask LB. I’ve become a blob after 9 p.m. Still recovering from Shentai which ended 5 months ago. And maybe all the weight lifting I’ve been doing to prepare for CLAW (coming to the Blue Moon Diner in 08!).
3. Fear of writing poorly. I know, that’s lame because approximately 3 people read this blog. And you gotta start somewhere. And those 3 people are my adored people.
4. Ambivalence about blogs in general. I keep thinking, when I think of posting, shouldn’t i be applying my time to something more Significant and World-Changing. I have nothing to Say. Also, I am, as all friends of KP will attest, the absolute worst at relaxing and doing something “fun” or “lite” that doesn’t somehow more important implications. I can’t even read beach fiction at the beach. Let’s face it, I have trouble lying on a beach. I feel like a schlub [a word I think I just made up] and like time’s a wastin’.
5. Last, but not least, this blog is too dark. I’m talking about how it looks, literally. LB, we need to lighten this shit up. Give it some pizzazz. Right now it’s like jumping into a grave, aesthetically speaking.

Okay, patient readers. Time to get off the computer and recycle the miscellaneous brown/mixed paper, the one thing the city doesn’t pick up curbside. Come on City, get with it! You’re almost perfect.

Thnks Givin.

Hello people. Couldn’t resist the texting version of a title. I hope you are all having happy Thanksgivings so far. I woke up at 11:30, that’s right! I got 9 1/2 hours of sleep. I ain’t messing around! The KP and IC are in Georgia by now. Hanging with Uncle Darren and the grandparents. I am plotting my day. I am determined it will involve a bath. Laundry. Taking out some trash. I will see a couple of friends, I think. A walk would be good. A hot tub would be better.

So? What are you thankful for?

You see all that random filler up there? That’s what I am thankful for. My life is so cushy I have time for all that. Also, there are my friends and family and Stank Williams and the KP and IC.

So?

What Would You Spend Your Money on?

I’m interested. I think it is really interesting what people spend their money on. Some people are extreme they will buy anything in sight and others will buy nothing. Most of us fall somewhere in between. Their are certain types of things I find it very easy to spend money on. Coffee, wine, food. I find it hard to part with my cash when it comes to anything else. I like to buy local more than not but I’m not militant. There are certain stores I choose not to go into unless I’m REALLY desperate. Kmart, Wal*Mart, Starbucks.

So, What will you buy and who will you buy it from. What makes you feel guilty?

KP is linktastic

Patient citizens and tourists of Crazytown, we regret the severe drought of blog activity from the Kingpin. See, what happened was…the Insolent Child and I were flattened a little by a persistent cold, which left me capable of doing little more than eating and staring after she went to bed each night. We did have a notably delightful and quaint Halloween with Toya and Olivia and family in Lovingston, with the IS wearing a homemade Little Red Riding Hood getup while I sported an Ostrich Jockey inflatable situation for the 2nd year in a row. Trust me, it’s a situation, not a costume. People seem to love it or ast least to not be able to look away from it. In a stroke of pure inspiration, Wistar was a piglet-suckling-a-tiger. Little does she know that the heart-warming story isn’t true. Dodo wore nothing but a camera. That’s not really true either.

That one paragraph has tired me out utterly. All the linking and whatnot. Boy I’m not really a kingpin these days. Very little moving and almost no shaking. Good night.